My life Story and Confessions

Being a black guy in india is crime or not ? I don't know about others but in my case it was worst for me. I don't had friends during my school because of my color. They use to think I am dirty I don't take bath properly with soap that is the reason my color is black. But who can make them understand at that age I use to think power rangers are real and wwe wrestlers are immortal.  It's all because of wrong parenting how their parents treat others, same they learn from observing it and even television also promotes fair skin and they want only fair actors working for them. Usually the time when school kids make friends explore things and decide about future what they want to become. In my case it was difficult for me to sit in school because no one wanted to be my friend and that is the reason I used to hate my black skin color and sat alone for long time thinking, I should end my life and restart it again. I never had friends whom would I trust so that late...

How reading atomic habits changed my life Hi there my name kaushal mandal a computer science graduate and jobless. Before starting the article I would say that I am not big fan of reading books and definitely the generation that we live in no one likes reading. So now you might be thinking first of all I don't like reading than how it changed my life and second thing how I read the book. Every question would be answer in this article one by one and it would surely help you also to get started. I got hospitalized as I have written another article on it and was on bed rest. I was getting bore no one to speak so I contacted one of my friend to ask him how is everything going on in life and also shared with him my health update and the reason why I called him. He laughed first for the reason and was shocked hearing about my health and told me to read atomic habit book. But answer from my end was I don't like reading. He suggested me some apps where you can upload pdf an...

I was told I would never be successful  Yeah I still remember this one of my family member told to me I would never be successful and be nothing and yeah he was right. The time he was saying it was year 2016 and I was still in my college.  Even my friends use to say the same thing that nothing is going to happen for me and I would never achieve anything in my life again they were right. The reason why they were telling it because I was not taking actively part in any indoor and outdoor activities and used to stay at home. Even at college, my friends are planning any outing or treat I use to back off first. I have never attended or went to any trip at college or even at my school. This is the reason I have only few friends which can be counted on fingers and that to they are avoiding to meet me because all this reasons.  Now that I am at hospital recovering from surgery and was told by doctors would not survive if surgery is not done, Before going to surgery ev...

My mom told me not to join Indian army Hi my name is kaushal I am 25 year old, a computer science graduate currently jobless and owner of the site. So when I was kid around 7 years old, I was influenced by the military movies and the indian army and always wanted to join Indian army from that time. When someone in house friends or family members asked what you want to do when you pass class 10th I used to happily reply them by smiling I would join Indian army and fight against terrorists. My mom used to just smile she never ever argued with me at that time why you want to join Indian army seek other career opportunities or else. So I was all focused and ready for Indian army and I was prepared mentally that I would pass class 10 and join Indian army by the age 17 and continue my study and get Graduate and apply for promotion or for officer rankings. But after passing class tenth when I was preparing for the Indian army she just came and told me don't join army, who ever...

My dad begged for my treatment to save me Hi my name is kaushal a 25 year old jobless computer science graduate, recently I had a chronic surgery which was almost going to kill me but I survived. So it all started up around December 2020 covid 19 thing was going and everyone were at their home. My parents went to village due to some emergency stuff related to grand parents. At that time cooking was the main issue and I already had some problems with stomach it used to get upset if I had anything from outside.  Than I had some issue with the stomach some Malena shit came from my stool which worried me and from that day I started to loose weight day by day. If felt something was wrong in me but I was not able to sort it out. Went to some B.A.M.S doctor he have medicine and told to have normal diet and avoid eating nonveg and spicy food. So I followed the diet for 3 months and my parents to arrived from village and they bought covid 19 with them and everyone was infected e...

Having a gay friend won't make you a gay This is the topic which I always wanted to write and hence forth my story would be an eye opener for many others. So usually after college I use to work as a part-timer customer service agent and the was really hectic. I was new to the process and was not understanding how to operate the system and handle the customer. Than a guy senior to me he was roaming here and there I asked him for help regarding system and some basic queries, he answered everything professionally and I was able to operate the system properly.  From that day I use to seat beside him and ask him any queries regarding process and any technical challenges during calls. We use to go breaks together and have some snacks, usually he use to pay and I had my lunch box with me which I use to carry daily to the work. We became nice friends and everything was fine and one day I say him with a guy after logging out he was so close to him. I just said hello to him and took a walk t...

This is why I always wanted to kill myself  Hi my name is kaushal I am 25 year old computer science graduate and jobless by the time you are reading the post I might find one and recovering from surgery. Speaking about my surgery it was necessary thing for me because last two year were a suffering for me. Not because I was having some issue with my stomach and pancreas but pressure from family friends and surrounding were also one reason that I wanted to end my life. My dad never told me to work and support family and never took interest into my academics what I am doing and what I am upto. He only told one thing after you complete your study and find a job I would sit at home with cup of tea and watch television. This sentence pressurized me more even after getting graduate I am not able to find job. My mom she always looked to at us like a money printing machine, she thought after getting graduate we would land at some big companies and earn lakhs. But it never happen...

How overthinking made me a looser in my life Hi my name is kaushal a computer science graduate, a 25 year old jobless who just survived a chronic disease. Which I have talked about in my another post you can find it and read it. The main point today in this article is how overthinking made me a looser in my life and was not able to achieve things and finally was admitted in the hospital.  So this is me in 2022 after surgery just took a picture of me to check a I am safe from the face and was shocked seeing that, it was me. Literally the main reason behind the picture was this only and also the picture shot was good. Now let's go back when I was in my school not being financially strong our parents always before buying anything they would think atleast 5 to 6 times about it, then and than only they think of buying it. So this was clear that this habit was developed in me from by parents but it was at next level. So for example if I am having something at brea...

How I almost died from tuberculosis and tumor pancreas Hi my name is kaushal mandal I am 25 years old a computer science graduate with a dream of getting a software engineer job at Amazon or Google. But sometimes you don't get what you have thought or always dreamed. Life is like a roller-coaster sometimes it goes up and that time you are excited and when it comes suddenly you scream as if the next moment you are going to die. Something similar happened with me everything was fine I was in my final years of college and was enjoying it and completing my college assignments. I was sure by the time I would graduate will find a software developer job in a start up gain experience work and earn 6 figures a year. This is me in 2018 went to a trip to kashid beach with my office staff. One thing I forgot to mention I was working as a part-timer in concentrix as a customer service agent. This was the time when thing started to change for me. There was some Kaos in my...